BRICK LANE – Understood to be where The Romans got the idea for The Colosseum.

BOROUGH MARKET – Presenter of extravagant meats, and vegetables. Seller of burgers. 

CITY – With the prefix ‘the’, to model for TM Lewin.

CLAPHAM – The world’s largest known refugee camp for University graduates.

CRAFT BEER – Must not be confused with charitable giving.


COMMUTE – An endless source for intriguing conversations with people you don’t like. Ask another person what their commute time is ‘door-to-door’ so as to sound more interested in their lives.

DATES – The leading cause of male patterned poverty. Ask a friend for a great date place. Never go there.

DISTRICT LINE - *apologies for the delay, but this definition is currently being held at a red signal*

EAST LONDON – Expanding. Diverse. Use the word ‘edgy’ in a sentence when referring to it. Ask about house prices (See ‘GENTRIFICATION’)

FOREIGNERS – Not too bad, you work with them, and they know all the best places to eat. Not to be confused with IMMIGRANTS. These are people you do not work with.


GASTRO – When followed by ‘pub’ refers to a collector of old, mismatched furniture. Ask if they have wifi. Leave if they don’t.

GENTRIFICATION – One must have a strong opinion on it.

HIPSTER – Definition unknown.

LONDON BRIDGE – Ignore the propaganda, it’s still standing.

M25 – An invisibility cloak.

NIGHT BUS – Popular amongst sleepers. From the Greek word, Forfucksake, meaning: too have little or no choice, and/or money left.  

NORTH LONDON – verb. To visit a park.

OLD STREET – A roundabout. Not to be confused with the roundabout, ELEPHANT AND CASTLE. Ask for directions out of the station.

OXFORD STREET – You must never go there, Simba.

PECKHAM – Also known as Frank’s Rooftop Bar to outsiders.

POP-UP – From the ancient Latin word, ‘unsustainable’.

PORTOBELLO MARKET - The act of overusing the word, ‘vintage’

RUSH – When preceded by ‘hour’ refers to a period when you are deliberately, and proudly, unreasonable. Ask a colleague about the time someone walked slowly in front of them one morning on the underground to hear a gripping tale.

RICHMOND – A sacred land where noble people go to give birth. Protected by a ring of cyclists constantly on guard in ‘loop’ formation.

TOURISTS – The aggressor. Question their sanity at every possible moment. Spend most of the year bemoaning the weather, and wishing you were one. Ask them nothing, for they are clearly too lazy to learn your language fluently.


WEST LONDON – The act of selling property.