Londoners could learn a lot from the denizens of New York. It's just unfortunate that if ever such an exchange of information took place, the ‘lessons' would be delivered in a rage-fuelled, incomprehensible yell.
This is the New Yorker's default mode of communication. Get angry first, ask questions later. In fact, fuck your questions buddy. And the horse they rode in on. I could care less about your questions.
At this point a British hand might meekly be raised in an attempt to point out that, indeed, the capacity to care less indicates a certain base level of concern. Being incapable of caring any less is in fact, the least amount of ‘care’.
When faced with such incontrovertible logic, where a Londoner would demur to their interlocutor and acknowledge a point well made, the New Yorker simply blinks, uncomprehending, and steamrolls on with his or her diatribe.
Donald Trump is from New York, you know.
America is a place where no thought goes unvocalised. If you think it, say it. Narrate your own life out loud. For a land that supposedly abhors socialism, they sure love sharing their thoughts. The old stereotype goes that NY public transport is full of crazy people talking to themselves. How do they tell which are the crazy ones?
They're not without their charm though, the Manhattanites and the Brooklyneers. They're warm, funny and they cultivate directness as a sovereign virtue. We could learn a lot from this alone.
Learn to get angry in the moment, don't let your resentment fester and then have a moan to someone later who wasn't there and doesn't care.
Tell that knobhead to turn down his headphones, instead of seething quietly while you use your phone to shop online for your own pair of noise cancellers.
Stop apologising when someone stands on your foot.
Yell in somebody's face if they take the last hoisin duck wrap in Tesco Metro. It feels brilliant and, because they're a Londoner, they (probably) won't punch you.
In the interest of fairness and knowledge sharing, perhaps us Londoners could teach New York how to run a subway system that isn’t one giant shitey District line. And manners. Just because you’re rude, doesn’t mean you’re right. And also they have a lot to learn about bacon.
Tom Owen is a writer and the editor of Smoke & Tales. He has seen every episode of Sex and the City, and both the movies.